I actually wasn’t sure if it was possible, I mean I was determined to do it but wasn’t sure if it was a reachable goal. Now I see it can be done and I feel so good!
Not yelling at my kids, or anyone for that matter really makes a big difference in the tone of the whole household, not to mention makes me feel better at the end of everyday. I was never a big yeller in the the first place but as I mentioned in recent posts I was starting to yell more and more and I didn’t like it, never mind the fact that yelling didn’t really work in getting what I wanted and my 4yo was starting to pick up on it and was starting to yell more and more himself. Not yelling has made a world of difference in keeping the house calm, well mostly calm, and figuring out new ways to solve problems.
When I started this 30 day challenge I didn’t know why I was yelling more, but by doing this challenge and getting some tips from The Orange Rhino site I was able to better understand the reasons I yelled, my triggers, and then I was able to find ways to manage my triggers and stay calm.
I realized my biggest trigger was the morning rush to get everyone out of the house and to schools on time. This was a huge trigger for me. The kids needed to get ready for the day and my baby needed to be taken care of. I would often yell for my 4yo to hurry up and get ready. I realized this yelling was not caused by my children, but by my feelings of being stressed, not wanting to be late. I am now better able to deal with this trigger by allowing more time in the morning to get things done, making sure to give my 4yo lots of time to get ready so we don’t have to rush. This makes for a much more pleasant and less stressful morning, and guess what, I don’t yell in the morning at all anymore and don’t even feel the urge to!
There were some other triggers I found out, things I can’t change so easily like my boys fighting with each other, or getting my boys ready for bed. But I have found some other, more clam ways to deal with these triggers that do not involve yelling. Staying calm and waiting for them to calm down, then talking about it seems to be helping. It may take me a very long time to make dinner sometimes because of the boys’ fighting and the necessity for me to stop and wait/help them calm down so we can talk about it all together. But for me dinner can wait, being calm and talking with the boys is more important and I am learning to not worry about the time as much as I used to. This is hard for me as I hate being late and like a strict schedule, but I am working on it. Sometimes I have to remember to think, “What is more important? Dinner? Being somewhere on time? Or remaining calm, not yelling, solving the problem and talking about it?” Like I said, it’s hard but I am working on it and it’s getting better.
So for now I am tooting my horn and am excited that I have made it 35 days with no yelling! But I am realistic, and I know I have a long way to go before this challenge becomes easy. I have more to learn and I understand that slip-ups may happen, so I am determined to keep on trying if they do, and I am going for another 30 day Challenge!
My 3yo, 4yo and I at the top of the Cherry Picker!
Here’s to Yelling Less and Loving More!